all the things...

you will never get to do...

so I miss you again tonight,as i do evrynight. as i am on babycenter,seeing all the other babies milestones and big events,it got me thinking about the things you will never get to do...

and that i will never get to see...

your first smile

your first steps

you never got to see your home

never got to meet your sisters

you will never go to school

never get to see the leaves change color..

i will never get to hear you laugh

or comfort you when you cry

you will never get to play a video game with daddy

play tag with your sisters

i will never be able to get you your first shoes

or take you to grandmas

you will never get to see the sun,feel the wind,or the snow

play sports

get dirty

go fishing

theres so much...the list could go on and on for pages....

im sorry i will never get to see you do these things....it breaks my heart evryday. i am so jelous that evryone else has thier baby..but not me:( i guess God didnt think i was a good enough mom for you.yesterday,as i was online...the greatest sadness came over me..i couldnt hide the tears..daddy could tell i was upset. you should be here with me,not with God...playing with your cousins zach and buddy. i have so little of you..but yet,you take up so much of me. i am not even being a good mom to your sisters,because i cant help but think i should have you too....i saw a lady with a tiny baby in the store the other day and wanted to cry..why not her...why us?why did you have to go? what did i di to deserve this...why did i have to watch you suffer like that...why couldnt i save you?